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The Folks Have Died … Treasures and Stuff to Process

Whew.

With the passing of our folks, we were left with raw emotions, exhaustion and an estate needing to be dealt with.  A Fambly Circle was called by me, the new ‘Matriarch’.  My  eclectic bunch of siblings deemed me to be so, as the eldest and bossy sister.  Patrick had said, “We always do what you tell us to do, so why stop now!”

Thankfully, we had talked with Mom and Dad, and a couple of key roles were already in place before they passed.  Jake was executor and we as siblings, agreed to sell the house.  The folks had met our Realtor, Liz Timothy, early in the summer, and welcomed her insight and knowledge as to what was best to do for the successful sale – thus the shingles, mentioned in a previous blog.

Our first agreement in our Fambly Circle was to take. a. break.  We needed a time-out from everything – and create a new normal within our personal lives.  Hugs, kisses, tears, laughter and waves “Goodbye”, were exchanged as we departed en masse from the folks driveway.

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“The 7”  

Seven Siblings and Our Folks – Last Christmas Together With Them

A month or so later, we siblings only, “The 7”,  no spouses or significant others, gathered around the folks dining room table.  In honor of the folks, we started with a prayer (I think they were smiling all day long).  We took turns, eldest to youngest, stating one item at a time we wanted from the folks.  ‘Round and ’round we went, some of us bowing out after a few ’rounds … until there was silence and a sigh.  Amazing – no one wanted or had to have – something someone else had asked for.   (Gosh I love this bunch!)

We then put post-it-notes on our stuff – stopped – looked around and realized – we still had a CrAzY amount of stuff to deal with.

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

We decided to do a Fambly Auction, with Jake printing up “Grandpa Bucks” in various denominations.  All the Fambly was invited from babies to big people.  Everyone got the same amount of $$ to bid with.  They could combine their $$ with others, if they were hot and heavy into a purchase.  EVERYTHING purchased, had to be hauled out of the house by the end of the weekend.  Including “The 7’s” earlier items.  Jake was the Auctioneer – he was a hoot!

One of my favorite memories – My grandson Declan, was 6 years old.  He had been seriously watching and observing how this ‘bidding game’ was being played.  After a bit, Jake gave a great presentation on the giant tv console in the living room.  Declan piped up, “$10!”.  Jake said, “We’ve got $10 from Declan, do we have $15?”.  Declan yelled “$15!” (He really wanted it!)  Jake smoothed it over and asked for another bid from everyone – once – silence – twice – silence – three times – silence.  “SOLD to Declan for $10!”, declared Jake.  Everyone cheered, Declan jumped up and down, clapping his hands.  “I got it, I really, really got it!!” Jake swept his hands over the TV in the console with a flourish, “This TV, which you can see, fits perfectly inside this beautiful console, Declan just bought.  I’m asking for a bid of $5 … does anyone have a bid?”  There was silence.  “Declan, do you have a bid?”, asked Jake.  “$5!!!”, Declan said with excitement.  “SOLD to DECLAN! for $5”, yelled Jake.  Again, there were cheers from the crazy Fambly crowd!!!!

white and red led signage with love family laughter text

Photo by Sara Wether on Pexels.com

After the auction … and helping each other load trailers, vans and trucks, we set a date and agreed to get back together again, as there was still – stuff.  Not as much, but still .. lots and lots of stuff.

Our final clearing was done.  I was grateful to my niece, Nicky, who took care of Mom’s closet.  Many donations to various organizations.  Mom had numerous  books from a Catholic Book Store she once owned, Hosanna House, in downtown Brainerd.  My sister, Kyung, and William, took them all to St. Francis School and donated them to their library.  Rick had a trailer that hauled things to the landfill and things everywhere else.  That felt good!

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Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Pexels.com

The hardest thing for me, when we began this process, was the beginning to do it.  My beginning to do it, was taking one of Mom’s magnets off the refrigerator.  I began to cry.  That was it for that day.  One magnet.  I left and walked across the yard, home.

Now … The house was empty except for a few things for staging. (Sigh)  We cleaned it up and had a showing.  It looked ‘dated’ was the comment from a potential buyer.  Mom liked wallpaper.  Mom liked being creative with how she hung wallpaper.  Mom liked wallpaper alot.  Colors needed to go – so did the wallpaper.  I stripped wallpaper like crazy.  Then, started to paint.  My brother, Patrick came and helped me paint … it was sad, but felt good.

The house was being filled with new light and open to new life.

…. And Sold!  Thanks, Liz!

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I love my Fambly.  We are an odd bunch, with various quirks, gifts and talents.  Love is the thread that weaves us together, holding frayed edges in place, circling together when it’s time to play or work or grieve.

My encouragement to you … Take your time when you lose someone(s).  Feel your emotions.  Be sad.  Angry.  Afraid.  Lonely.  Let them come out, don’t stuff them.  You will get waves of emotions and memories popping up unexpectedly.  It’s part of the grieving.  There is no time-line for grieving.  Take breaks.  Breathe different air.  Surround yourself with softness, kindness, understanding, forgiveness and most of all Love.  Be with people.  Be alone.  Ask for help.  Drink water.  Lots and lots of water. More tears – more water.  Remember to breathe.  Remember to eat.  Sleep.  Walk.  Walking is good.  Go to church.  Don’t go to church.  Lean on people when you need to.  Be gentle with yourself.  In your gentleness,  in your quiet time, peace will come.  In time.  God does not leave.

Thank you for sharing this walk with me. Wow, it continues to be a journey.

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https://www.debendres.com

 

 

Here’s the Thing … Collage Wisdom #3

20181017_063322_HDRWhat a relief!

It’s so easy to worry.  Look back with regrets.  Woulda, coulda, shoulda.  The best thing about looking back, is the wisdom I’ve gained to move forward.  It’s true – every situation has had Divine Timing.  Mind you, I did not/do not care BEING in certain life events, but when they were most difficult, Earth Angels came in at just the right moments.  They helped me walk through tough stuff with divorce, depression and single parenting.  I’ve learned much, going through the muck.  I’m stronger than I ever thought I’d be.  I’m braver.  The Universe does know exactly what it is doing and an incredible teacher.  I have to take ownership in playing my role in it.  (Not scoring 5 Stars is a reality check!  Yes, I’ll admit to less than stellar performances.)  Breathing helps, every single time!  My asking for help, being willing to change my way of thinking, being adventurous enough to try new things … like dating, for example, were keys to opening doors to new life … and believe happiness would greet me.

20181017_063303_HDR It did!

The Universe is still playing with me on the dating thing … none-the-less, my life is filled with happiness, because there are lots of doors in life to open, and I’m twisting a lot of knobs!!  Not all of them open.  I respect that now.  I don’t try to bust or jiggle them open anymore.  I’ve noticed …  light, from a door cracked open in the dark – is amazingly bright.  Look at the stars and the moon on a partly cloudy night – see how the light ebbs and flows with banks of clouds, or wisps … as the earth faithfully turns.  It’s taking time to notice a door is actually open … and being willing to walk through it and … play!

20181211_141700_HDR Yes!

Blessings and Love,

Namaste

Debbie

www.debendres.com

 

 

 

Here’s the Thing … Collage Wisdom #2

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Welcome to this Mini-Series on the

Unfolding Collage Wisdom of Life & Changes 

You don’t always need a plan … That’s easier said than done!  How about you?  Maybe it was the way I was raised, because, there was always a plan.  Life wasn’t in order if there wasn’t a plan.  Then, there was a back-up plan for just in case, right?  Wrapping my brain around not always having a plan has been a decades-long exercise in … breathing and allowing.  If it was exercise in the physical sense, I’d be buffed and toned beyond belief !  ‘Don’t/Always’, are key here … because sometimes plans are necessary = Life. Reality.  I’m encouraging the realization in not having a plan, is being open to possibilities that perhaps haven’t been thought of or imagined yet.

Sometimes you just need to breathe … I’ve noticed, breathing is a theme in my collage.  It’s been a word I’ve used over and over with clients.  Because, it’s so important.  Many would get gold stars for shallow breathing … it’s the deep breaths that make a difference.  That oxygen into our cells, is a bit of a miracle in itself.   I practice mindful breathing, it’s amazing how my body softens and worries melt when I consciously pay attention to my breath.  The long-term effects, for me … mellower in my response to negative events going on in life.  I’m focused on the present, this moment. Now.  So grateful.

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A recent gift from a friend … Thanks, Karen!

Let go and see what happens …  Wheee ….  Yikes … BREATHE … This is where I acknowledge how grateful I am for the gift of faith.  Letting go of the plans.  Trusting and believing Spirit/God and I are ok.  There is a time, a connection, a place greater than I can even imagine, all coming into place.   Surrendering and accepting what is right now, is a relief and also a sense of excitement.  Allowing life to surprise me in most amazing ways.  And when I let go with ease and grace and nothing is happening … in whatever I deem is a reasonable time … then I’m ok with making a move to do something.  It’s usually in-line with the whisper/nudge/tap I talked about in Collage Wisdom #1.

You don’t always need a plan.  Sometimes you just need to breathe.  Let go and see what happens.

More to come!

Blessings and Love,

Namaste

Debbie

 

Here’s the Thing … Collage Wisdom Insight #1

Oldways

I find myself, among a number of friends … experiencing life change nudges.  Intuitively, we know something is coming.  I think it’s Spirit/God’s way of giving us a heads-up.  We sense a ‘Pay Attention‘ tap on the shoulder, bump/thump on the head, or in my case, L-5 putting me in a frozen, ‘now I’ve got your attention’, pose … because I chose not to listen to the quiet whispers, taps and thumps, mostly because of fear.  Fear of changing out a career (Certified Massage Therapist & Energy Worker for 28 years).  Loss of assured income.  Losing relationships.  Being my own boss.  I’m very good at taking care of everything.  Doing it all – whew.

It was interesting, when the pain was manageable, to note it was on my left side – energetically, the feminine side, the receiving side … being vulnerable, asking for help, nurturing me, being soft and gentle.  Quiet reflection, led me to acknowledge, my taking care of everything and doing it all (male energy/right side) was overpowering, leading to my life not being in balance.  My soft, gentle side, needed me to stop doing massage work.  (Deep breath … breathe ….) Now … it was taking time to process this part of my life.  This time of change.  I decided to create a collage to help me approach things that were coming through with meditation and journaling.

I call it Collage Wisdom!

Old ways won’t open new doors.  It’s true.  Life is filled with opportunities.  It’s opening new ways of thinking … yes, new thoughts are necessary! Any age, any decade!  Time to allow dreams to filter in … What if ____ ?? How about ___ ?? It is time to admit: We know stuff. (Thank you, Janice!).  We are a mixed bag of talents.  We are not one dimensional. We are multi-dimensional and that can be what ever we choose it to be.  Yes, fear is involved.  So is bravery.  We become stronger because we are going through the fear and realize how flipping awesome we are.  Believe this with me!  Create a grand door, a cabin door, a gnome door, a magical door, a real-life door …  put your hand on the doorknob, I will too.  Let’s twist it open – ready, set, GO …

Today is a new day.

More to come!

Blessings and Love,

Namaste

Debbie

Is Your Light a Flicker?

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Some days … our energy is only a flicker.  Jumping into the day with enthusiasm and gusto is as easy as climbing Mount Everest.  The thing of it is … you’re here and so is your Light.  Flickering or glowing bright, you and your Divine Light impact so many people.  You are red carpet status to them, just by being you.  Nothing to prove.  Nothing to perfect.

Divine Light is energy and it permeates everything – no matter if it’s a flicker or a glow.  Embrace It.   Embrace You.  Sometimes we aren’t aware of this presence – I call Spirit/God.  Even if we don’t recognize or see this incredible part of our Being, doesn’t mean it’s not there.  There are lots of things in this world we don’t see – but the power of the energy created is undeniable.

You make our world brighter and lighter.

Dance on that red carpet, or simply tap your toes …

I’m grateful for your Light!

Blessings and Love,

Namaste

Debbie

Sharing Mother Nature’s Beauty & Love

20180614_065005_HDR_Signature_SignatureTree Spirit Dreams

I have an affinity for Tree Spirit Dreams.  Nature inspires me and restores me.  Whenever I am feeling out-of-sorts, or need a pick-me-up, a walk outside, with grass, trees, lakes, rivers, and gardens, absolutely fills me up.  Being open, allows dreams to begin.  Once dreams begin … anything can happen!

Tree Spirit Dreams was birthed with bark from a tree in my backyard that had died.  Sage from a walk, pinecones from one of my pine trees, tiny branches from the backyard crabapple tree. The feather was left outside my door … I always think of my Mom when I’m gifted feathers!  Moss from here and there.  The dreamcatcher was from a discarded earring – a perfect fit!  Her headdress is a delicate copper chain (great healing properties) with wooden beads and turquoise stones.  She is 10 inches from bottom to tip-top, hanging from a hemp string.  Even during meditation, she helps to ground me.  She’s way prettier in person!

20180620_073047_HDR_Signature_480x874Talking Stick – Tell Me Your Story

When I found this stick up on the shores of Lake Superior, I was mesmerized.  What stories are held within?  I wanted to enhance the beauty of the stick, allowing it to be held, the energies felt, and encourage the holder to bring their story to light.  The break of the stick was perfect for placing a face, a bit of bark is on top of head and strings of wood and turquoise beads (speak your truth) are the headdress, the moss creates a sense of flow.  This piece holds both feminine and masculine energies and is about 7.5inches tall.  Great for a Circle of Sharing.  What a treasure from Mother Nature!

20180614_065414_HDR_SignatureBeyou

This is the 2nd incarnation of Beyou.  Initially, Beyou was wrapped in needle felted wool woven with yellow, green, orange, white, pink colors and moss interspersed.  After a few days of Being unsettled … I released Beyou from the blanketed wool wrap, added stones, driftwood and moss … and the freedom was a delight!  Beyou is easily held at about 7inches long, the crystal adds energy and encourages the holder to release whatever is binding you from your authentic self … and BE YOU!

Ever-so-grateful for the guidance of Spirit/God in the continued birthing of Spirit Dolls.  Thank you for being a part of the unfolding!

Namaste

Debbie

 

BE Who You Are …

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“True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness.  True belonging does not require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.”  – Brene Brown

BEing uniquely you, means you don’t have to fit into any box. Ahhh!!  You are a beautiful creation, ever evolving and growing.  Your looks, your ‘style’, your thoughts, the way you do things … or choose not to do things … is you.  Sometimes, sharing and doing together, is important.  We need and thrive on our healthy relationships with others.  Being seen and being heard helps us to thrive.  Being ok with standing alone, can be a difficult choice or a blessed relief.

“To thine own self be true.”  – Shakespeare

Every day we have another chance to practice.  Believe in yourself.  Be authentic.  Be the light only you can be in our world ….

Thank you …

Namaste ~ Debbie