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Suffering in Silence …

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Sometimes, we are way too good at suffering in silence.
 
We don’t want people to know our story.
 
Maybe we’re not feeling strong enough to change our story …
Maybe we don’t know how …
Maybe we think we don’t ‘measure up’ …
Maybe we are afraid of being judged …
Maybe our dream turned into a nightmare …
Maybe we are afraid …
Maybe our voice is only a whisper …
Maybe it will turn into loud, anguished sobs …
Maybe we will be abandoned …
Maybe we will be alone …
Maybe we have lost religion … faith … hope …
Maybe we think we’re unlovable …
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In breaking the silence – our suffering can be a light of strength.
 
Sharing our story …
Opens doors to heal hearts … (our hearts) …
Creates pathways to change …
Breathes courage into the very depths of our souls …
Brings in people who understand … who will walk with us …
Who will lend their shoulder for our sobs …
Who will love us just as we are …
Vulnerable …
Authentic …
Weepy and snotty …
Angry and hurt …
 
And we feel a flicker of love …
And we let it in … just a bit …
It flames the tiniest speck of hope … entwined with a fleck of faith.
 
We soften, letting down our guard as we break our silence … we are incredibly brave. Perhaps standing alone … perhaps with someone good to lean on … knowing we can take a breath … knowing we have broken free.
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My Encouragement to you: 
Share your story.  Bring in counselling if you need it.  When I did, it validated my truth.  It made me work at seeing – how feeling my emotions were a good thing – even though they were awful! 
A great Anne Lamott quote:“I thought such awful thoughts that I cannot even say them out-loud, because they would make Jesus want to drink gin straight out of the cat dish.” 
Yep – that was me!   
                     
Be brave and speak. 
You don’t know the light you will bring into someone else’s life …
let me assure you, you will.
Blessings and Love,
Namaste
Debbie

You Are One Decision Away …

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… From a Totally Different Life!

That thought can scare one into a freezing OMG mode – and do nothing at all.

Fear.

What if I do it wrong = FAIL.

What if I make a mistake.

What will people think of me?

I don’t know the outcome.

I’m not strong enough.

_______ (Someone) won’t like it – they will be offended – it will hurt their feelings.

I’m afraid of what they will do.

I’m not brave enough.

I’m not smart enough.

I’m not strong enough.

I don’t know how.

I’m too old.

Money.

I don’t have enough experience.

FAIL.

Sometimes, this is my brain …. Maybe your brain (a little bit?), too??  I mean, I can get going on that hamster wheel and spin, going nowhere with the best of ‘them’ – whoever they are.

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I know when I’m spinning.  I can feel its energy all through my body, when I spin.  My breathing is shallow, heart rate UP, flushed face, stomach swirreling … sometimes, my brain goes b-l-a-n-k, sometimes scenarios flash in milla-seconds.

Now-a-days, I stop.  I breathe.  I observe myself.  I observe the situation.

I look at my life.  I’ve gone through fear and I’m still here, stronger and wiser than I ever imagined!

Made mistakes/Did it wrong (Who is perfect??) = What did I learn? = Wisdom for the next time.

Making decisions is BRAVE.

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Making decisions MOVES US from where we are to … Somewhere Different.  In that Somewhere Different, we find out how strong we are, how capable we are, we learn new ways of doing things, we think different thoughts, we meet new people along the way.  Our world gets bigger and it’s really quite exciting.

In that bravery, we are being true to ourselves.  We are free to be who we are – regardless of what other people think of us, or how hurt they might be, or how their life will also change – because it will.

LIFE IS CHANGE.

Is it easy?

No.

Is it worth it?

Yes.

My Encouragement to You:  It’s ok to have a different life, if you are not happy with how life is going.  Where is Life taking you?  Honor yourself.  Honor your path in Life.  Give yourself permission to be brave (you’re braver than you know).  Give yourself permission to explore where your Spirit/God is prompting you to go.  Your gut is one way Spirit/God talks to you.  Listen.  It’s one step.  One decision to do one thing differently.  Big or small … you grow.  Tears and strength and WOW.

Every decision I’ve made, I’ve learned from.  I believe with all my heart – you will, too!

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I think I’m morphing into my Wise Old Crone phase!

The Blessings Continue For All Of Us …

Namaste

Debbie

www.debendres.com

 

 

 

Last Day of 2019 … Snuggled in bed!

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I’m snuggled in bed – Up way too early this morning!

Quiet nudges got me up for coffee, a pen and my journal.

Writing helps keep life real for me.  Jumbled thoughts become clear, and it’s a meditation of sorts, allowing for Spirit/God to come through.

I am letting go – easier said than done!  Truly though, consciously and mindfully, letting go of worry, mostly about my kids.  What Mom doesn’t worry?  What good does it do? (No good, what.so.ever.)  They are big people now, living their own big people lives.  I love them big – they love me big – so much gratitude in that.

Letting go of thinking I am “less than” … Still after all these years.  I know I’m not alone in this.  We women are too amazing to be less than anyone or anything.  (What I’m telling myself – I’m also telling you …)

Be Confident. (My word for 2020)  Own your gifts and talents.  Stand tall.  Be the leader.  Be the Wise Woman.  Be the Example.  Be the Light.  Be Excited!  (Our brains don’t know the difference between fear and excitement – so I’m going to enjoy a lot of excitement in 2020).  Act on Inspiration.  Be Grateful.  Be Vulnerable. (Yes, you are strong enough – I didn’t think I could be … and geepers, I’m sharing my journal with you.)  Surround myself/yourself with creative, smart compassionate people who are smarter than I am/you are.  Be still and listen … It is in the silence  we are in the presence of Sprit/God and we are filled with everything we need for this moment.

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The beautiful meditation beads are from my artist friend, Debby Hess.  These 7 little beads are such a blessing.  The medal says, “I am” … followed with a lava rock bead to apply my favorite essential oil, “Tranquility”, which adds to the experience.  Following the beads … an Angel wing … of course!  What a gift.  If meditation beads resonate with your heart and Spirit, you can explore her delightful website HERE.  We are going to do a Women’s Gathering in February, encouraging in Self Love and Nurturing for our Spiritual Well-Being – let me know if you’re interested and I’ll send you more details!

My Encouragement for You is Wisdom from Mel Robbins:

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And so it is!  

Here’s to our last day of 2019.

May the Blessings Be In 2020 … Peace and Love to You and Yours,

Namaste

Debbie

www.debendres.com

My First Christmas Alone

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Christmas Eve had arrived.  My snow village was up, and the tree lit, with hopes of Christmas magic.  Holiday music was playing on the CD player.  The Advent wreath had all four candles glowing.  Smells of a home cooked meal lingered.  Drapes were drawn, bringing a safe, cozy-nest feeling in the living room.

I was home.  Alone.  My choice.  It was a good choice, despite my Mom insisting it wasn’t.  My three boys were with their Dad, and darling daughter was enjoying Christmas with her new husband.  Some of my siblings and their families were piled up at the folks.  I stayed home to breathe.

It was the three-month marker following a four-year tumultuous path to divorce.  My daughter and three sons had made it through the terrain of ups and downs, with their own medals of fortitude, grit and resilience.  Only time would unfold the layers of scarred pain and the healing needed through love, forgiveness and, for me, the gift of faith.

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It was the first time in forty-two years, I would be alone for Christmas.  Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine such a thing – ever.  Life has a way of happening.  Life shook me to the very core of my being, leaving me questioning love, life itself, and the depths of my belief in a church filled with rules and judgement that were becoming unbearable.  Good church people – yes, and heart-filled gratitude for them, for they helped keep me sane when I felt insane and loved me when I felt unlovable.  Bad church people – yes, in their gossip and judgments and keepers of the rules.  I was so grateful they were NOT the God I wrapped my faith around.  The God, who, in spite of everything, I rested in, prayed and listened to – and yelled and screamed at, in my darkest days and weeks and months – only to once again rest in … when I finally learned to be still and listen.

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Photo by Ignored shots on Pexels.com

I wasn’t going to church that Christmas Eve, even with the admonishment received from a very well-meaning and fear-of-the-devil, Mom.  I was staying home.  I needed to let this holy night, melt into me.  I pictured the bravery, fear, persistence, compassion and love Mary and Joseph experienced in the story of their baby, Jesus, being born.  Theirs was not an easy journey, at all.  They did it one step at a time.  One leg of a journey, and then another.  They asked for help.  It was given.  They were not alone.  They had each other, but I imagine, it was a long and lonely journey for them.  I like to think, their companion was faith, being true to what God was guiding them to do, despite obstacles.

For a while that night, I reflected on my last four years.  I wished I would have quieted myself and listened to God sooner.  I hadn’t wanted to believe what was true.  Our marriage was over.  My husband was leaving.  He was finally being true to himself, while I fought, argued, begged, prayed and fasted for a miracle that was never going to happen. I was my biggest obstacle in moving on with life.  The story I was telling myself wasn’t true.  The story was mixed up with rules, and teachings of a church and some of society that didn’t honor him, as a gay man.  God didn’t make a mistake.  We made mistakes in how we were handling a really hard situation.

Fear was anchoring us all, deeply.  Fear on so many levels. For a long time, it ruled us.  Emotionally, we were all taking a beating we didn’t know how to handle, but we moved ahead, as best we could.  I asked for help, knowing I could not do life without it.  I got it.  I was not alone.  The younger boys went to counseling.  The youngest got a Kinship partner, who, with his wife, created a vision for my son on what a happy marriage looked like, he was only 6 when life turned upside down.  With the help of a friend, who went with me to the doctor, I dealt with depression and thoughts of suicide.  I got into counseling.  I went through a Co-Dependency Program – twice, the first time, didn’t stick.  I went to Al-Anon.  I left a church filled with judgement and rules I could not follow, nor embrace anymore.  I took off my rose-colored glasses and saw Truth and Life as it really was.  Faith was my quiet companion, present, in the darkest dark and the dawn of days.  God never left.

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Photo by Nubia Navarro (nubikini) on Pexels.com

So, that first, quiet, Christmas Eve night I spent alone, was hard, necessary and desperately needed.  Nestled in the quiet softness of the night, I could feel a flicker and then, a glow in my heart.  Faith was present. God was present. Unexpectedly, forgiveness began to seep into every round edge and corner of my being.  I forgave myself for being such a crappy Mom and began to see a Mom who really tried and didn’t give up.  I let tears flow and forgave their Dad.  Like me, he traveled mountains and came through, true to himself. The gift of time has been a friend through the years.  It has taken lots time and lots of years, for a friendship between the two of us, to rekindle.  And it has.  Thankfully, our kids have their unique love for both of us, too.

It was a magical Christmas Eve.  It was a blessing.  It was a new beginning filled with bravery, compassion, persistence and love for life, my children, my future and myself. Wisdom was present because of lessons I learned and experienced … wrapped in the gift of faith, and a gentle glow of peace and joy.

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Photo by Matthias Cooper on Pexels.com

My Encouragement to You:

Ask for help when you need help.  Even if it’s scary – be brave and do it.  Trust your gut, it won’t steer you wrong.  I would have enjoyed life sooner, if I would have trusted my gut.

I know it’s hard, but … let go of what other people think of you.  Your priority is you.  Do what you have to do, to get healthy and strong.  I didn’t want people to know the secret I was living with.  I didn’t want to disappoint anyone.  I didn’t want to be judged.  I didn’t want to feel anger or fear … and I experienced all of it.  I pretended, I stuffed, I ignored and denied the stanch presence of Truth because of what others might think.  Pretending everything is ok, only hurts the pretender … and really doesn’t fool anyone. That energy is felt by those who love you.  Love your incredible self and take care of you.  You will have people in your life who will help.  Don’t let pride get in the way, like it got in mine.  Let it go, in order to move forward.

Forgive.  It’s a big deal.  Forgiveness is for you.  It’s a huge part of healing.  It’s a gift to yourself.  Even if you have to do it over and over again.  Forgive.

Let time be your friend.  Life is a journey through time. Every choice creates a lesson learned, a nugget of wisdom – a yay or a nay.  Thankfully, life is filled with practicing moments and days and years.  It’s how we become wise!

If you can, embrace the gift of faith.  For me, God is that gift.  A quiet knowing that in the whole big picture, I am not alone.  Thank goodness.  It is my wish for you.

Blessings and Love …

Debbie

Being Me.  Life. Stories.  Lessons.  Awareness.  Faith.  Denial.  Heartache. Truth. Wisdom. Love.

www.debendres.com

 

Road Trip! Destination …

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Mississippi Headwaters!  

Becky, Me & Pam

We 3 crazy fun friends, took the day to celebrate the Autumn Exquinox and headed to Itasca State Park.  Wow, it was a fabulous day, filled with fun side-stops, laughter and  treats.

Of course, we splashed (I started it), and walked across our beautiful Mississippi River …

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We spent some time in the woods, replenishing our Spirits, and took moments away … in our own directions for quiet reflection.

One of my favorite poems kept echoing in my heart as we wandered through the forest.  You can join me … it’s best when you go slow … very, very slow …. pause and breathe …

Trees … by Joyce Kilmer.

I think that I shall never see, a poem as lovely as a tree.

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A tree whose hungry mouth is pressed against the earth’s sweet flowing breast;

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A tree that looks at God all day, and lifts her leafy arms to pray;

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A tree that may in summer wear, a nest of robins in her hair;

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Upon whose bosom snow has lain; Who intimately lives with rain.

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Poems are made by fools like me, but only God can make a tree.

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~ ~ Sigh ~ ~

It was a fantastic day, indeed!  Nothing like being swooped up in Mother Nature to see and feel the miracles our earth holds for us.  What a gift to all of us.

Thanks for joining me on the journey.

My Encouragement to You:  Take some time to get your feet in the grass, the pine needles, feel the sand stick between your toes – the stones that will give you a great reflexology treatment!  Lean against a tree.  Pause and see all the beautiful leaves, each floating in the breeze, waiting to be discovered by an appreciative eye – their gift to you.  Embrace single moments and breathe with a grateful heart.

Blessings and Love,

Namaste

Debbie

I am an Energy Worker in Brainerd, Minnesota.  Cultivating Quiet Healing From Within Since 1990.

www.debendres.blog

The Healing Power of Touch

 

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Most of us have been fortunate to be on the receiving end of kind, supportive, loving touch.  Perhaps a childhood memory of a kiss or a hug after falling down and getting hurt.  Or the shoulder touched in giving support, or a warm hug of understanding, maybe a squeeze on the knee.  Your hand, held.

No words needed.

It was perhaps, the briefest of moments.

Compassion.  Love.  Presence.

Receiving support.  Not  needing to understand or explain.

In that moment … you softened, your heart slowed down, maybe you were able to take some deep, needed breaths.

You were seen.

You were not alone.

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Touch is healing.

We feel the energy from someone’s touch.  It can be powerful, as much as it can be gentle.  They are giving.  We are receiving.

It’s vulnerable to receive.

It’s a gift we give ourselves.  Allowing ourselves time to soak up some kindness offered,  some compassion given.  That loving touch accepts us, our authentic selves, no matter how messy, scared, snotty, angry or hurt we are.

It helps us heal.

Pure and simple.

Kind.  Compassionate.  Loving.  Touch …

Heals.

My encouragement to you:  At one time or another, you will be on the giving – or receiving end of healing touch.  Simply be present in the moment, either way.  I believe it’s the connection of Spirit that brings us together.  To support, accept, to strengthen and to breathe in the blessings given in the moment.

Blessings and Love,

Namaste

Debbie

I am an Energy Worker in Brainerd, Minnesota.  For nearly 30 years, I have had the honor of being present with clients and their healing experiences through healing touch.

https://debendres.blog/services/

Finding Peace … With Healing Touch

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In this chair … In this room … Clients find peace.

We live busy, crazy lives.  Filled with lists of things to get done, expectations to be met, people who need our time and attention.  We are pulled in many directions, all at the same time.  The world is becoming a scarier place to live … and within it all, people are stepping up in kindness.  Being a light for others.  Being a voice.  Being a hand.  Being a heart of love.

In the stress of life, it’s important to be able to step back and ground ourselves in ways that give us relief.   Rest our bodies.  Quiet our minds.  Be it play, socializing, being alone, doing art, meditating, being in nature, getting enough sleep, exercising, eating a healthy meal, saying ‘no’. (Easier said, than done!)

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My clients come to step back from life, let go of the busy-ness, the expectations … to allow peace to blanket them and stress to melt away.  They come from all backgrounds … moms, business owners, bankers, teachers, retirees, those who have had cancer, lost loved ones through accidents, suicides, miscarriage, who have gone/going through divorce, job changes … each one has a name.  Each one has their story.  It is an honor for me to be in their lives.

Our sessions are short in the big scheme of Life.  But in those moments … something amazing happens.  There are no words to explain … peace and gentle healing wafts in softly and carries them through the days ahead.  I feel it.  They feel it.  It is one of my great joys in being an Energy Worker.  Once peace is felt and experienced, they know they can find it again … in many ways.  I simply open the door for them to receive, Spirit/God does the rest!

 

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My Encouragement to You:  Take time for yourself and leave guilt at the curb.  Try new experiences.  Always remember to breathe.  Be kind to yourself.  Be kind to others.  Pause in the morning, during the day, before you go to bed … and feel all the things you’re grateful for … and say ‘Thank you!’  There is peace in gratitude … it will change your life.

Thanks for joining me on the journey!  I am grateful!

Wishing you peace.

Namaste

Debbie